Proverb

Every day a manager must email the slowest employee about his faults or else his employees will become lazy.

Every morning an employee must email his reports faster than the slowest employee or else he'll be berated for his faults.

It doesn't matter who you are, when the sun rises you must start emailing.

Kinect

So I might not be going back to a static IP yet and may be delaying getting a new phone, but I've been tempted into buying Kinect (impulsepurchaseyayyayyay). Initial thoughts are that it's actually pretty awesome. The user interface is pretty sweet and it just feels so goddamn futuristic.

The "Kinect Adventures" game it came with seems pretty average with the occasional odd response in-game. This could also be due to the cramped environment I was working in at the time however.

The girlfriend gave Kinecticmals a shot and it seems like one of the most adorable games I've ever had the pleasure to watch (with Snowy the Black Panther as the main star) and Jaynnie said it was pretty awesome to play. There was a weird glitch at one point where the Kinect system showed a second hand hovering on the screen as well, however we have ascertained this may have in fact been interference caused by one of my girlfriend's breasts.

Now I'm waiting on the arrival of the Proprietary-to-USB+Power adaptor to arrive from Microsoft Support (as the Xbox+Kinect bundle doesn't contain one) and I'll be able to hook it into my computer and see what can be done with it!

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

New Projects

Alright, I can pretty safely say that my ftp/fileserver (\\MILF) seems to be working pretty well. My "general/dev" server (\\JAILBAIT) is working mostly as a Minecraft server but it seems a bit underpowered and restrictive (old hardware, showing signs of possible faults, bitch to reformat). It doesn't help that \\JAILBAIT also seems to drain a heap of power unnecessarily. To combat this I'm thinking of building a new low-power special-purpose & development server.

Mainly I would want it to act as a router, which would be possible if I could get extra usable public IP addresses from my workplace. I could use the upstairs router to assign it to the server with all traffic flowing into the first ethernet port. The router could then act as a layer three device (including providing DHCP and NAT services) over a second ethernet port (connecting through an 8port gigabit switch to "my" section of the network). This gives me that whole bunch of fun chances to explore things such as network monitoring, proxy implementation and the like.

My main problem at the moment is I need to work out what hardware would be best for a 24/7 low-power router/server? Intel Atom or cheap AMD Athlon?

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Tips for *nix FTP servers

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Update

Like my health and sanity, I've left this blog neglected for a while.

I apologise for the both brief and depressing entry.

Work is pretty stressful.
Uni is an uphill battle against a glacier.
I'm really cracking at the seams right now.

Cadets

I've never joined the Army, neither ARA or ARES. On a number of occasions I've been sorely tempted to do as well, for periods of months at a time. One of the main things that has held me back in recent times however has been my girlfriend, Jaynnie. I won't deny that the Army probably played some part in my parents break-up, to my Dad, the Army came first and my Mum didn't like/understand that. Seeing as one of my original desires was to go full-tilt ARA with a lean towards preferably being deployed, that probably would have put any romantic relationship to hell. Even if we did try and keep together something long distance, it wasn't worth it given the chance of it breaking up or even worse; my renowned paranoia overtaking my mind again. So instead I've decided to go into a university career for now and try and make my way in the world.

At the age of 20, I'm not working in the corporate section of my company, renting a beautiful apartment in Northbridge with a good mate, furthering my knowledge and studying Computer Science and all the while, I have my amazing girlfriend by my side. I often do wonder how things would be different had I joined the army, but I don't regret that decision at all. In fact, I'll add that to the list (and point of this blog entry) of major things that cadets (and the Army through my father's teachings) has taught me:

• Discipline
• Indomitable will
• Great personal hygiene
• Fitness/keeping in shape (y'know, in case war does ever break out)
• Walking (probably one of my favourite activities)
• Always keep your necessities on you, no excuses (never away from keys, wallet and phone)
• Clean dress sense
• Survival training
• Medical skills
  
• Ability to eat food quickly
• Tuck your shirt into your pants when wearing a jumper in winter (added warmth)
• Don't ever regret your decisions or experiences, they all add together to make you who you are

I guess I'm happier than expected at the moment, I've submitted all the homework I needed too, I've written up a heap of extra stuff for work already and I'm getting into my major assignments for uni as well. For now at least, there is some respite.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Slip

I think I should probably warn those friends of mine who do read this. If I seem a lot more distant or unwilling to go out in recent times or coming times, it's not because I don't care. I think I'm slipping a bit at the moment and naturally try to isolate myself a bit more.

Honestly though, seeing you all still brings a smile to my face. There is that core group of people out there that do make me smile like a dopey bastard when I think about how lucky I am to know them.

But never to be one for too much negativity, I'd like to point out that at least I'm catching up on my uniwork/housework/workwork/video games.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Today

Ten things I have learnt today in just as many minutes:

1. NIC ports have two separate lights, but do not expect the light patterns to be the same accross different network cards
2. Don't mix 100BaseTX cables with 1000BaseTX cables
3. Don't assume network congestion is "probably just a coincidence that will resolve itself"
4. Create a syslog server so you can review the logs when your storage server goes down
5. Don't screw around with a storage server mid 100GB inter-OS transfer
6. Samba (while amazing) doesn't like NTFS
7. NTFS doesn't like Samba
8. Ethernet cable is generally blue or grey
9. Further to point 8, label all cables and switch port
10. Prior Preparation & Planning Prevent Piss Poor Performance (7 P's)
    

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

HXC

I'm such a drunkard, I blog from pubs.

I'm down at the Elephant and Wheelbarrow, online using my flatmates Westnet Mobile Broadband connection. Decent speeds, secure connection, easy UI, I like it. Nice beer, nice wedges as well.

The biggest question is probably regarding why I'm at a pub on my laptop. Simple answer? I bloody well wanted to. I have some uni work to do and wanted to do it in the pub atmosphere (reminiscent of UWA Tav) with some food and one or two pints. I'm not getting 'trashed', I don't like to. But this is quite comfortable and free from more distraction than home since I'm here alone.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

General Update

Well, it's official, I'm out of my teens. Into my third decade.

It's been really great so far.

Spent some quality time and had some great chats with great friends, both new and old.

Thank you to my Mum and Dad for spawning me.
Thank you to all my friends, family and acquaintances for such a great life.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

It's really just not worth trying to be friendly to people.

Damn my lack of social skills.

Intercept

CONFIDENTIAL

INTERCEPTED RADIO COMMUNICATION

PRIVATE ANDREWS: Come on Malley, we better head back. You know we're not supposed to be beyond the auto-sentry range at this time of the evening.

CORPORAL O'MALLEY: Pfft, fuck 'em Andy. There's something going on out here and you know it. We've all heard the noises at night.

PRIVATE ANDREWS: I know mate, and that's what I'm worried about. I ain't ever heard anything that makes that kinda noise.

CORPORAL O'MALLEY: 'Zactly. If we can find whatever it is and bring it back - dead or alive - we might get some recognition. No more fucking 3AM picket shifts bro'.

PRIVATE ANDREWS: Whatever makes those noises sounds pretty dangerous. I'd rather be alive and on picket duty then dead.

CORPORAL O'MALLEY: The fuck was that?

PRIVATE ANDREWS: I don't Malley, but I'm heading back.

CORPORAL O'MALLEY: Pussy.

CORPORAL O'MALLEY: What the fuck is tha-

COMMUNICATION END

Distance

You seemed so far away tonight.
I wonder why?
You walked away.
You haven't told me what's on your mind.
You just keep getting distant.

Part of me wonders if it's him.
If it is, I'd rather just know.

If it isn't, why do you just keep going away?
Is it just that we can't be together any more?

FMJ

"So, from now on, whenever Private Pyle fucks up, I will not punish him, I will punish all of you!"

New Semester

I start university again tomorrow morning. Hoping I can put in a bit more effort than I previously have. Might make an effort towards healthier eating as well. Feeling a bit sort of listless at the moment, not sure why. Decent weekend overall, attended a small wharehouse rave, was nice to see everybody in a fun, friendly environment.

My apologies that this post has had very little content, I think I've just been pretty busy lately.

EDIT: Oh, in further news, I've solved my little "Wake-On-LAN" issue. So far I have not been able to get Sweet Sixteen (Windows Server) to boot from NIC from a remote location. However instead, I've setup Jailbait to use a Debian version of the Wake-On-LAN tool. Given that I have full SSH access to Jailbait, I can log in, then wake up Sweet Sixteen in case I need it to do stuff for me. Currently Sweet Sixteen doesn't have many functions (Jailbait is now used as the web server and for some other 'Net facing projects), but I'm planning to add a dedicated server for Alien Swarm to it.

EDIT 2: Well, it seems I now have the tools and easy access to have a dedicated server for Alien Swarm running on Sweet Sixteen, not only does it work, I can even modify it to allow for first person gaming! While for some this won't induce any form of excitement or shock, those in the know will realise how good the top-down view in Alien Swarm is for when you need to turn around to see a charging alien. Removing this adds a whole new kettle of fubar to the mix. I'd love to try it multiplayer with some mates at some point, but currently anyone wanting to play needs to be on my side of the router (LAN game only).

I remember getting in trouble when I was younger. My Nanna lived up in a beautiful heritage park area. Driving up there with my Mother, I saw the "heritage park" sign and asked if that was why she had to live there.

Dear John Q. Public

"I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard."

If there is one thing that boils the blood of any developer, creator, manufacturer, artist; it is that statement. Being quite active in the technology and communications communities these days (compared to the layman at least), it is something I have grown to hate even more with time. Without fail, someone will always request some new feature, patch or fix with such an appended statement.

Unfortunately, professional courtesy often prevents a developer from saying their mind in such circumstances. However in all honesty, the best way for it to be put is as follows:

"If you think it's easy, do it yourself."

Seriously, if that feature you want is so easy to add or that bug so easy to fix, go out and fix it yourself. Do it, sell the new and improved product and make a goddamn fortune.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

I am your "participation" ribbon.
I am your faked orgasm.
Just disappointment and hurt.

Storage Systems

Whenever you begin an email address at a new job or even when you take up a new position; whenever you get a new computer or media storage device, there is always the problem of how to divide up storage.

I'm not sure what the rest of the world would say, they may have their own beliefs regarding this and I know that I have seen a great number of people who simply do not care about this, but it is a problem I face.

When you setup a storage medium, you create a number of categories and sub-categories. From action items to junk emails and from cinema to music. But what happens when your job development changes or when you start to have musical genres that blur the lines? Do you create a new categorisation and layout format and move it all over? If so, do you just drag from the current categories (perhaps missing some important parts that fit in new sections) or do you put it all in a "temp" folder and move from there (incredibly time wasting)? Or do you just try and fit new categories into the old and deal with any exceptions as you find them (possibly creating some integrity issues when you search for things later)?

I usually try and keep to the same categories for as long as possible, occasionally creating new ones and hoping not to lose integrity as I go. However after a certain period of time (usually when I transfer all content to a new storage device) I will try and do a full scale reconfigure.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Falling down.

I keep thinking I'm losing it. Started with mild audio-visual hallucinations during the week and as time progressed, I kept having difficulties concentrating. I was getting waves of paranoia and fear and started feeling like something was chasing me, hounding at me every waking moment. Demons at the corner of my eyes, screaming at me.

By Friday during work I was having difficulties in conversation, losing words and replying with things that belonged in entirely different conversations. I feel like something is breaking apart my mental bonds and trying to break me.

The weekend has just made it worse so far. I've realised that at least one of the demons is myself. Yelling at me for my failures, for my transgressions. Yelling at me for every shortcoming I have. The worst part is that it isn't a new thing. This mental apparition has followed me around for so many years and has always had so much to berate me for.

I can't even hold you properly now, I'm sorry.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Wake On LAN

So it appears when I woke up today I may have railed two lines of Fucking Retarded. Last night I spent ages learning how to use the CLI-based operating system on my server. It's now able to work as a web server with a shared main drive so I can load pages onto it remotely.

However I turned it off last night (I don't like it staying on at night because it's not energy-friendly and it's an ancient obsolete desktop from work that makes a sneezing sound after long operation) and forgot to turn it on in the morning before I left to test out some programs.

Thankfully I remembered I activated Wake-On-LAN so using one of the ports that the router currently forwards to it, I should be able to remotely turn it on. All I needed was the MAC address of the server. Thankfully that was on the web page I set up last night on some member webspace my ISP provided!

Except I changed that page last night because I need it there so I put in on the web server. Which is off.

Head, meet desk.

Thankfully home is 5 minutes away; I just wanted to be lazier then normal but alas, was not meant to be.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

EDIT: Brute force is out of the question. Worst case scenario would be 274,941,996,890,625 tries (255^8 possible MAC combinations). Obviously the best case scenario is much nicer given that the first three octets are the manufacturer label and three would be a smaller number of them, but I'm going to just try and grab the MAC manually when I'm home.

UPDATE:
Turns out I'm actually limited by the modem not allowing subnet directed broadcasts. Better luck next time.

Clubbing

Was out at the Rise tonight for the Ourstyle event. Enjoyable night, great music, great company. One of the highlights was this chubby, Asian prostitute wearing a skirt that was entirely inappropriate (not for the occasion but for her in general). Wes, Seb and I discovered it averaged out to 13.5seconds between adjusts of her skirt because of how much it rode up.

*sigh*

I think I need sleep. My liver needs a break.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

General Update

Well, uni is over for the semester and I'm spending a number of my days at the office instead. It's a ncie environment and slightly more conducive to a good work ethic then sitting at home in my underwear and playing Call Of Duty 6.

The new house is really awesome as well, pretty much all setup (we just need to get some desks to set up the computers/consoles/TVs.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Move 3.0

Finally motherfucking internet.

Ironically enough, I'm not posting from my new ADSL connection, I'm at uni, about to commence my MATH1050 exam. No matter how I go, it's a case of doing it (need 27% to pass the unit), going home, smoking my victory cigar and chowing down on my beef jerky and XXXTra Hot Peri Sauce.

Still waiting for my ISP to put me on to the ADSL2+ line profile, I'm connected to their equipment (I can tell this from my sync rates and having seen a lot of connections in my time), they're just tring to see how long they can string me on an ADSL profile.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Move 2.0

Alright, this post is considered more up-to-date.

I've been getting wireless internet access by walking down to park with the huge TV screen accross from Rise. Decent speeds from a Vivid Wireless hotspot. This is how I'm able to post and do work, so my job now consists of wandering down the road and sitting on a bench with my laptop, alongside countless other people who seem to be either backpackers or uni students or both.

The move is coming along pretty swimmingly as well, we now have a couch, fridge, washing machine, bar fridge, two beds, two bedside tables and some food. We also have Daniel's Xbox 360 connected to his large LCD screen, my computer with the 5.1 surround and my 26" LCD screen (1920x1200 FTW) and Jaynnie's PS3 on my 19" LCD monitor/TV thingy. We're pretty much set. I signed up to iiNet on Friday, so we'll hopefully have internet access mid-week, which will be great for both of us.

The convenience of the place still blows my mind, I've been out to Rise both Friday and Saturday, it's great when it's a 2 minute walk.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Move

PREAMBLE:
This was written on Thursday, 03/06/10. It is now out of date.

POST:
OH. MY. GOD.

Yeah, yeah, I know, long time, no update.

there has been some cool changes! Daniel and I now have a house in Northbridge, a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom, 2 storey rental townhouse. It's fucking wicked.

We've already sort of settled in, we currently lack a lot of furniture (no washing machine, no fridge, no real beds). But we do have a sweet monitor/5.1 surround sound setup and a microwave, so we're nearly there. I think today will involve getting a new modem and some cleaning products. We'll probably sign up to the net as well, bring us one step closer to the completed house.

I'm really glad about this move, I think it's a new step in my life towards independance that I've needed for some time. The fact that within pissing distance there is a Dominos, Nandos, 2 bottleshops and the countless bars and nightclubs that make up Northbridge is just a bonus.

However currently the lack of internet connection is a bit of a bummer, hopefully we can set that up soon.

Peace out ya'll.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

"Fruity Lexia"

For the first time in forever, I'm aiming to drink away my problems.
For the first time in even longer, it's working.

I feel quite happy chatting both to the person with whom I'm having problems and to internet randoms, no longer having to care about shit because I'm drunk.

What I'm drinking is cheap, horrible and surprisingly drinkable in large quantities.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Get over yourself you fat fuck.

Weather

Dear Mother Earth,

In the past, we've both maintained a few professional courtesies. Namely, you don't piss on me while I'm carrying a laptop and I hunt endangered (but delicious) species for fun and profit. However I believe today this agreement has been broken quite severely. It was only my quick-thinking and cat-like reflexes that enabled me to protect Jesus every time you let another golden shower cascade on our fair city.

So I'm officially declaring it open-fucking-season. I will make sure to drink panda soup and eat white rhinocerous jerky while dynamite fishing for whales and shooting bald eagles. The endangered species list is now my menu.

Your move, bitch.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

PS: Today I had my in-lab programming test. I don't think I did that well. Sad-face.

You.

How long has it been?

It's been so fucking long since you made me.

So long since you made me like this.

And if I could go back all that time, I would hunt you down and kill you so you never got the chance to experiment on me. I don't care if I never had any of the experience your damage gave me, I would trade it all right now.

Crashing.

I keep getting dragged further down, no matter how much I struggle. I can't breathe and most of all, I can't figure out how to complete any of my assigned work. I've put myself up against a wall once more, I've started to distrust everyone, letting paranoia ensare me in it's thorny tendrils.

Please let me see this one through.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

General Update

Living life, doing assignments, working.

I'm sure the slow build up of stress and tension will produce a more thought provoking blog soon enough. Either that or I accidentally take out a decent portion of the city with an improvised nuclear device.

General Update

Still been good overall, I guess not much to report overall.

Studying, working on assignments, working.

Went out on the weekend, really enjoyed the time out with Jaynnie, I love the few times we go out drinking together, they are sometimes amazing fun.

I also sat down and cleaned out all of the internals on Ramirez, running a lot faster and efficient and looking more beautiful. Also reformatted him, might change out the possibly faulty drive for my spare 1TB to use as a media drive.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

General Update

I love you beer. But like swords, you go right through me. I should not have to pee so much while enjoying my Daniel-infused Sunday. However we're looking more at the idea of moving and it's getting even more exciting, I really do think this could work out great for both of us. I think I need a bit of the mental headroom that comes with a bedroom of your own where you can shut off from the world. So far I only have Ramirez and Jesus as my "rooms" to escape to and they don't even truly exist.

You talked to me tonight and it felt nice to chat for a short while.

Also, I'm feeling pretty good about starting some hard work on some of my upcoming assessments. This should be fun.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Drinkin' Draught...

...Dressed in drag, singing some horribly off-key variant of "Girl's just wanna have fun" by Cyndi Lauper.

Single Linked List Representation

My latest Data Structures & Algorithms assessment is almost complete. I've coded it and run it through a battery of self-designed tests to ensure that there are no problems in any methods. Any possible errors are coded to throw exceptions, as expected. I've even made sure that all the methods run in constant time periods, with the exception of the "previous(window)" method that cannot run in constant time in this representation.

I think I'm going to chill out, play a few rounds of Call Of Duty 6 before getting to the commenting. It's only fair.

In other news, had coffee with my Mum today, it was really nice to sit and chat, things are a lot better at the moment. Also looks like the idea of getting a place with Scotsman is coming closer to fruition. I hope it happens, I think it would be a great step forward in my life, something I haven't really done before.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Purgatory

Is a place reserved for me apparently.

All I want is whether this radio silence between us will be permanent or not.

I would like to know the reasons, but mostly I just want to know the former. That way I can decide whether or not to keep trying to be friends, you seemingly no longer want to be.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Trust

In a relationship, there is generally a strong level of trust between two people. This extends sometimes beyond that of a normal friendship to the extent that in many cases, if someone wishes to share a secret with a person in a relationship, that person may usually say, "be warned, my partner will probably get to know this as well". This is quite an understandable thing and in many respects, works quite well.

However, just because that person's partner is privy to certain information, it does not mean they have the right to pass it on at their discretion. The covenant here is that while the partner is privy to the information, they are a terminating party in the exchange of information, as should be the person to whom the information was revealed. This means that they do not have the right to pass this information on. This helps keep the information private.

A good model of this is that while you may supply your private details to a company for the exchange of goods and/or services, they may need to put that information through a second company at some point (whether in accounting, stock ordering or for any reason). This second company is bound by the same privacy contract that the first company is and any breaches of this carry severe repercussions.

At least, that is what I have seen is fair and have understood to be the rules.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

General Update

Setup is formatting...

Alright, so once again I'm reformatting my laptop. I guess this is what I get for deciding to browse pornography with my girlfriend. A crapload of viruses later and it's no longer worth trying to fix the infections, time to just nuke from orbit and start again.

Aside from that, work is going quite well, study is slowly getting there as well.

Everything else though?
I've had better days.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

First Transmission

[- Link established -]
[- Receiving Transmission -]
CONFIDENTIAL
MEMO
DEPARTMENT OF DEFENCE

Through the observations of Project Wide Sweep, we have reason to believe that Subject Foxtrot-Two-Zero is still alive and in hidin
[- Transmission broken -]
[- Attempting to reforge transmission link -]
[- ERROR -]
[- ERROR -]
[- ERROR -]
[- Link failed -]
.
..
...
[- New link incoming -]
[- Source: Unknown -]
[- Link established -]
[- Receiving transmission -]
It seems you know then, you didn't kill me.
I'm coming for you though.
And when I find you, you will wish you had killed me first, rather than make me watch her die.
~
5B 2D 20 49 4E 53 45 52 54 20 46 49 4C 45
COLLAPSE-SYSTEM.BIN
~
[- End transmission -]
[- Executing file: COLLAPSE-SYSTEM.BIN -]
\> ABORT
[- Abort refused -]
[- Sensors detecting temperature drop -]
[- Current average temperature: 0° Celsius -]
[- No cooling necessary -]
[- Turning off all cooling systems -]
[- Current average temperature: 0° Celsius -]
[- Errors detected in all sysEL!H$@(DS(*@#!!JHOR!)#

</disconnect>

To the woman with the multi-coloured hair.

So I dreamt again to an extent which I can still remember everything. There was a girl in my dreams who I can't tell if I know them or even if they exist. But if you do, I want you to know:

Firstly, you still manage to look pretty when you cry, this is rare in people.

Secondly, Lock the door on your bathroom. When I'm deaf from shellshock, I can't hear the shower.

General Update

Looks to be just another normal update. I realised I hadn't posted in a few days and it was probably a good idea to make sure I had some codified version of the things that happen in my life.

All three of my mid term exams are now completed (Data Structures & Algorithms, Calculus C and Databases) and I'm left feeling slightly more relieved. More so that I have a higher probability of passing all three units these semester, especially if I put in only a tad more effort.

On the work side of things, everything is progressing as usual, getting in some decent posts (paid professional troll) and the other duties I am assigned.

Now on to the personal side of life and the spawn of all my drama. Overall things are going quite steady, the Girlfriend and I having gotten through quite a few of our previous issues and such. We are still both quite tense these days, the arguments seem to have been ever increasing, almost from the start of the year, especially moreso now. Perhaps it is just part and parcel of the pressures placed upon us by our respective busy lives, but time will tell.

In other news, I got time to have a drink this past Sunday with the Daedalus2020. A man I must say that I have missed in recent times, for it was lovely just to reminisce about the old days and look forward to the new. How little we have derived from what we thought we would end up as. Two mates grabbing a beer on a lazy Sunday arvo, chatting about work, study and arched backs.
Amongst discussion, a good strong point was raised, that being the idea of moving in together. Something we have discussed in the past which looks incredibly attractive as time goes on, I could see it being a good decision. So I'm taking this week to think about it and consider it, then we'll probably look at finding a place we can rent near the city.

This should be exciting.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Butter

Having not posted in some time, I decided to raise one of the issues that occasionally does hassle me.

Butter.
In particular, how best to get it to a spreadable state.

Usually when the choice is up to me, I tend to purchase Butter Soft, however it is really just air whipped into the butter and thus you are paying a premium for effectively less butter, however it does spread with greater ease.
However if you are tight on money or you are at a place which does not have easily spreadable butter, there are two methohds you can go about making your butter more spreadable. Firstly, microwave on high for about 10-20 seconds, this tends to make the outside heat up a bit and make it slightly more spreadable. However if you don't have access too a microwave or don't want to continuously melt and solidify the outside of you butter, there is another method.

If you just scrape the area of butter that you want with small, rapid scraping actions, occasionally even wiping it back onto the butter then repeating, the friction should heat up just that small area of butter, making it a tad more spreadable.

That's how I usually roll.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Asymptotic Analysis

I think I've realised why I've basically tried to tear my life to pieces. I have three mid-semester exams coming up over Friday, Saturday and Monday and stressing me the fuck out without me realising it. I believe it's caused me to go on some little self-loathing trail while I despair about my performance. Honestly though, I don't think I'll do too bad, I'm known to pull myself out of the shit at the last moment if I put my mind to it.

To that extent, sorry for being a prick recently.
<3

In other news, FUCK. PERFORMANCE. ANALYSIS.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Finally, proper updates.

What is life?

Right now, it's sitting in 24 hour Macca's, laptop on the table, watching the world outside darken slowly from a balmy Sunday day to an unending Sunday night. Sitting this nice and close to the door, you get to watch the dregs of society pass you by so closely.

Life seems all up in arms again and it wouldn't do events justice just to write them out here. In it's most concise-yet-still-obscure form, I walked out because I didn't know who the hell I was anymore. I'll be home later.

Things I need to look at getting in the near future? A nice backpack from a camping/surplus store. Something that can hold a change of clothes or two, some basic toiletries and a towel and also hold my FarCry bag (the one that usually carries my shit). This should give me that extra bit of portability I need in life right now. Hmm, that said, a couple more good-looking t-shirts and some explorer socks will help.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

PS: Looking at maybe taking a short vacation in a month or two if uni/work will allow it. Is anyone interested in maybe taking a short (3days to a week) break over East or in [Generic Cheap Asian Country]?

Updates

I guess I haven't really updated properly in a while, just the snippets and fragments of worlds running through my mind. To be honest, for a while, not much was happening. Things had settled into a sort of routine once more.

I think I may be getting the hang of databases. Not as much worry as I originally had.

For everything else, that remains to be seen.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

The Four Horsemen

Famine, War, Pestilence and Death.

They ride in on their respective steeds and carve out humanity from the blank slate of the animal kingdom. Onwards they ride, deepening our purpose as both individuals and as a species. They cut swathes out from the fabric of civilisation as they see fit, the only truly inevitable powers in this world.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

The biting cold makes every breath burn. I can feel my body slowly starting to shut down. The snow is still piling up, not the soft, crisp fields those beautiful memories show me, but the harsh, white powder that will inevitably bring my death as it whips by, stinging by bared flesh. I haven't been able to walk for a while now, limited to crawling and dragging myself on. A fruitless task at that anyway, thousands of miles from anywhere. Cold and alone I may die, but at least there's no one counting on me. Thank you for that last little touch. Telling my friends I beat you, real classy.

I'm sure it's erased by now, but I pissed something in the snow for you.

"Fuck you."

I can still hear her screams.

No matter how certain I was she was dead, no matter how much I destroyed her body, how far and wide the remains were scattered and how far I ran from it all, I could still hear those piercing screams.

I always knew it would rest on my conscience. I always knew I would see her face every time I shut my eyes. But what more could I do? She was going to take you from me. I couldn't let her do that to you, even if she is your mummy. Your still my daughter and I don't care if she took our house, our car, our friends and everything I own, she can't have you. I was happy with the agreement, I was happy to have you one weekend in two weeks. I still got that time to watch you grow up, to take you to the zoo and watch those Saturday morning cartoons while we cooked pancakes. But she wanted to take away even that.

Don't cry honey, mummy had to go for a long trip. Away for a very long time. But we can play until she get's back. We're going to play hide-and-seek for a while, away from everyone, in another country. Even if they do find us, at least I'll have gotten to see you and hold you in my arms, one last time.

Gosh you're growing up sweetie.

So fast, so very fast.

I still don't know.

What can we do?

Every step forward we take against this damn filtering, every time we knock out a new equipment building, the government builds three more. They lock them down tighter, obscure them more. Worse still, because they put them in more remote areas now, the public is starting to be affected as well. All the traffic being routed to the filtering engines is causing bottlenecks, forcing the government to limit citizen 'net use.

With ears pricked for the slightest noise in my lookout position, a crunch of leaves or a car coming up the driveway, I hear Lorry's urgent voice.
"Three minutes man, I don't want a repeat of September's fuck-up."

Hmm. September. A security officer showed up right after we had left the building, stupid git had entered the office despite the "lockdown" status these buildings are supposed to have. Incinerated in the blast.
I haven't slept right since then, I don't think any of us have. We weren't ever trying to hurt anyone in all of this, it was about the freedom of information, net neutrality. Of course, the government just used it as more propaganda against us, gave the guy a post-mortem award for bravery and condemned us all as vandals.

What sort of first-world country do we live in when our own government clamps down on what we're allowed to see? It makes me miss Hank even more, he was the one that got the blacklist copy, the one that he tried to show the people and the wider world some of the stuff that the government was blocking. Poor guy, fit and healthy as he was, somehow managed to die of a heart attack just two days later.

Why did I join this dangerous cause? I had a good job, decent life and a lovely wife. I never liked the idea of a net filter, never saw the benefits, but I guess I didn't mind it too much. Until the day some twisted sociopath kidnapped, raped and murdered my wife. The part that crossed me over the line was during his trial when he told the court that he had always wondered about it what it would be like, but because he was never able to see the damage it did and how horrible it was because it was "blocked content", he had to try it himself.
The court officer who escorted me out told me that I wasn't the first, that these cases were happening more and more frequently since the filter was put inplace. So I quit my work, went underground, started trying to help the public see that there is a better way.

Nicotine Smoke

You can feel it. Drenching the words between us. Not mine nor yours but our combined diatrabe. It was nice just to realise that if necessary, we can both scheme and attempt to manipulate each other and realise that on some level, we both have the ability to be horrible people.

Alternatively, pretty odd night. To be fair, it was pretty awesome. Finding comfort amongst friends, movies and drink is always a pleasure, so thank you for bringing me once more into your home.

Personally, I'm quite happy to know that my tattoo is complete as well. It looks excellent and makes me feel a bit more whole as a person. To look down and know that it is a part of me for good now. At peace with it.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Thankfully

I had dinner out with Dad last night, it was nice to catch up with him, chat about life, the universe and everything. He also reminded me of a good saying, "Take a teaspoon of cement and harden the fuck up". It'll be nice to apply that again and get over this fragile emotional period.

Excepting this, things have been weird. It appears that the plans-that-may-have-been are just going to be the plans-that-will-never. This means I don't get closure and sit here wondering on what-could-have-been.

It has been lovely being your friend so far Fox. May this continue on into the future. Perhaps at some point you could also teach me how to understand wine more so I don't end up just swilling goon.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Highly Strung

I had a pretty odd weekend. Some pretty awesome parts. Me, Fox and The Girlfriend look like we're going to be spending more time together, which I think will be interesting to see how it progresses. I really do give a shit about both of them, they've helped me a lot in recent times.

I also broke down on Sunday night, told Jaynnie about my past. Wasn't really enjoyable, don't want to do it again. I much prefer being more emotionless and cold. Time to armour myself up again.

Back at uni today, not doing to badly. Need to keep working on my Databases and a bit more on Calculus.

I'll admit that I'm worried about what could be happening in the future. I don't want to hurt anyone and don't want anyone to feel second best. I wanted to see if this could work or could go ahead. If it can't though, I'm understanding of that too.

Too hard.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Ouch.

So I stumbled upon a horrible realisation this afternoon in a meeting with Smother. I can't have a lengthy, in-depth discussion with her without feeling more mentally unstable or more like I want to off myself afterward. Despite this, I don't know how I can really tell her this without her going off at me and saying that I'm just making shit up to hurt her.

I've told her I'll email her about what's happening in my life at some point soon. So I may have a day or two to think about what I should write I guess.

I feel like hell.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Changing Impressions

Apparently it is possible to retroactively change first impressions.

When we originally met, after chatting about our lives with you, my first impression is as such. You were a bit of a Chaser/Centrals kid who had some pretty shit things happen in life. You got raped, someone paid you heaps of money to devirginise you as a young kid and you went through a series of bad relationships and one night stands and did a lot of things you weren't proud of. Despite all this, you ended up being a good person with her head screwed on mostly right.

Since everything has come to light, you've managed to retroactively change my first impression of you.

You're a spoilt, daddy's little rich fangirl who apparently had such a boring life that you had to lie about everything to make an interesting backstory about yourself.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

I don't know?

You did it again last night, didn't you?

I heard about it on the wire though, which worries me. It means they're getting onto you, another step closer to finding out who you really are. Please be careful, I don't want to see you hurt again. I don't think I can take losing you as well, no matter how noble the cause.

The worst part in my mind is no matter how many people shout and riot and die for the cause, I don't think the hatred will stop. They will still keep us the downtrodden workers of this class-based state, no matter how many times we protest. No class above cares, we're just the blue-collar workers, hidden from view and lobotomised when we don't follow the rules.

Kane told me you were right as well to keep boiling the water, there is something in it. He thinks that's what's keeping the Southern Sector so docile despite all the crap that's happening there. He also said that might be what's increasing the spread of the disease. I know you said he's sometimes a crackpot, but I'm starting to think there might be more truth to his theory that they are actually spreading it. Especially since Genetech just announced they may be able to modify a vat-grown fetus to be completely obedient.

Whatever the truth may be, please stay safe. I want to see you again one day. I want to see you for real as well, not just as a news article and not as an obituary.

All my love,
The-Girl-By-The-Window.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

PS: Self-sabotage tears me to pieces.

I said don't just stand there, come in.

I haven't been without internet and power for an entire night since about the early 2000's. This is something that pissed me off to no end. That, combined with the previous strong usage of LSD and the S.T.A.L.K.E.R series of games produced a number of delusions that society would be crumbling when I woke up. I'm not too sure whether to be overly happy that this wasn't the case.

The power and internet still hadn't returned by the morning.

The benefit was The Girlfriend and I managed to cook dinner last night without microwave and we got to chatting about some odd and interesting things. Cryptic as I may be, I'm really interested to see what happens with those discussions from here.

Part of me still wishes I could live in Vic Park. I would be closer to the city and probably less likely to lose power/internet. I may be catching up with Smother on Thursday afternoon/evening. I'm going to tell her what she's doing to be such a bitch and how she can stop. Then if she wants me back, I'm going to dictate the terms of my living so there won't be any more of this shit. Especially no more raising my board and cutting out my benefits every few months.

I'm happy with my job at least for the now, I'm earning pretty decent money while studying, so hopefully I'll be able to save more, maybe work towards getting my license.

Part of me still feels horrible for some unknown (or unwilling to discuss) reason(s). I think I need to get into exercising more often. This may help fix some of my headspace and get me into shape again.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm.

Ahh. Major Payne is awesome.

Just so you know, every time I see a new entry, you remind me to blog again. I don't think I can watch Blade Trinity without being reminded of you either.

I think uni is semi-back on track. I'm prepared for my calc test tomorrow, slowly getting into better study habits. I'm looking forward to picking up more general knowledge and skills regarding Data Structures and Algorithms and re-learning some of this Calculus crap.

I still have these periods where my mind cannot focus on anything for a period of time. But I think it's got a bit to do with the temperature. Lacking air-conditioning, it gets hot and humid in this house and I begin to get listless and unfocused. It doesn't help with three desktop computers and a laptop running near-constantly.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Dear Blog,

I'm not a good person.

Apparently I can't keep myself to myself and did something I shouldn't have once more with that lovely young lady. Once again, afterwards we felt like absolute shit and realised that what lies between us is not just a respect and admiration for each other's intellect and caring nature, but some form of attraction on a deeper level.

To this end, we have discussed things between the two of us and I have talked to The Girlfriend and me and that lovely young lady are going to accept that we are not meant for each other at this time. I really do care about her though, she has helped me a lot through some recent troubles and has really been a source of inspiration and intelligence, so I do not want this to be the end of our friendship at all. Of course, it is upto her where we go from now though, so time will tell.

In other news, my love for uni has been rekindled and some of my mental health as well. I think overall tihngs should be looking up from here, so let's see where this world takes us.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Flight of the Pariah

And just like that, I am shunned so easily as I was called back.

My dearest smother has taken it upon herself to remove me from her household. She told me to get out and doesn't want me back there it seems. This is over her saying that I am constantly on drugs, at all times. So I tried to tell her I wasn't and she flipped. She said I was a bad son, that my father was a bad role model and that I should just leave.

I think the one thing that made me snap and call her "despicable" after everything she's said and done and told me to do, was that she insulted my father. No one, not least my mother, has the right to do that, given he's one of the few reasons I'm still alive. Worse than this, in the years since they originally divorced, he never spoke a bad word of her and there she stands, spitting his name like venom.

So I'm at the Girlfriend's place, it seems I might be hear for a while. This isn't the first time it's happened either. I was kicked out of my dad's house when I was 15, but his reasoning was slightly more sound. I had just admitted to him I was bisexual and well, he was raised quite conservatively and couldn't really take it. I'm not saying what he did was right, but I know it was hard for him to deal with and I was being a shit to him as well.

But this action of my dearest Smother has annoyed me beyond belief. Every 3 months she goes off her rocker at me. So this move is probably for the best for now.

My freakin' God. I hate being this pissed off and depressed. I hate wanting to off myself. But that wouldn't really be nice to anyone I know.

Being in the army would be so much easier right now.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

To hell with it.

I really, really can't explain myself right now.

While talking to a new friend - one who has truly opened my mind in the past few days and really stimulated my mind - I came across the realisation that I don't know what I'm doing with myself.

I'm not studying for the degree that requires so much more of my attention. I'm not working with the same passion my cushy job usually inspires within me. I can't concentrate on any task without being torn from focus by the smallest distraction.

My throat is swollen and sore, my mind and body are plagued by lethargy. All I want right now is to be back in the moment. Floor lit by a steady stream of swinging lights and strobe flashes. The world is all in one room. There is no sound but the steady pulse of the DJ's music, the bass shaking the foundations of existence, the ebb and flow of the songs. The comrades, dancing to the beat along with me. The other five hundred people are just background art as I stomp with my friends, the three of us shouting and cheering.

Of course, memory is coloured by our emotions. The filter of my mind is scrubbing the Scotty's Ex from the picture. The vapid whore, the wife of Hades. Death brought upon everything she touches, bringing nothing but shame and anger. But with delusions and manipulation, she has wormed her way into his life and face-to-face, I must be nice. Missing too is the LanceArmstrong, he had brought the downfall of his own night by trying to harm the fun of others and thusly, got what he deserved. But this all matters not, because that memory is something to look upon fondly, to remember with great happiness.

Aside from that, I think one thing my mind is struggling with at the moment is Fox. In such a short time I've developed such a strong bond with her. We sit and talk for hours, face-to-face. It has been a while since I've found someone who can be that mentally stimulating and pleasant to chat with. Of course, this has brought around it's own series of problems as described previously. The weirdest part of how much I do admire and respect you Fox, is that people have previously talked of you as a close relative to any number of horrid toxins. Not just have you proven them wrong, but you've actually seemed to beat my normal standard of "human", instead being someone I would gladly talk to as a confidant. I think knowing you're not coming back to the Borg to work is upsetting me as well, because I'm sure many people would dearly love to see you there again.

I feel worried.
Right now I feel like I can't talk to anyone, not even the Girlfriend sitting across from me. In fact, you do seem like the only person I can talk to at the moment and you're many miles of copper cabling away. Different times and different places I guess. You're smart, you're witty, you're cute and you're interesting. I hate you for giving me someone that I actively want to get to know the whole, true story behind, someone to care about.

If it remains the true story as well, you have one thing over most people as well.

DAMN YOU CYNICISM.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Crash Landings

I guess Time proved once again that I'm not always a good person. Through a combination of my own idiocy and impulsive thinking, I jeopardised my relationship with the Girlfriend (it seems common amongst bloggers to replace real names with fake ones, so here I go). Foolish as my actions were, with different times and different places, they would have made me a happy man. A shame for the unfathomable nature of universes made distinct by small choices.

I'm not here to contest the morality of my decisions or to punish myself, the demons who flay my soul for my sins have done enough of that. Mitigating factors and excuses aside, it is time to move on with life. The Girlfriend is surprisingly not too bothered about it all and has advised me to move on with my current course of actions (work, study, kill, repeat).

To compound my recent desires to spread discord through myself and those I know, I've seemingly taken it upon myself to burn my ambitions and proactively work towards ruin as my previously studious habits now lie in ashes. Thankfully tonight I was able to take some time to re-ignite those flames, hopefully beginning to get back on track, to make sure that I can prove to myself and everyone else that I can not just reach for the stars, but touch them too.

On the work front of life's war, the job has been partially stagnant, I need to be more on the watch for things to do though, which I'll aim for over the coming days. I should hopefully be progressing work more into the domain of one of the top social networking sites, helping to increase brand awareness and make us appear "hip" to the new generation. All-in-all, following our parent company seems to be the word of the now.

To finance, with my lowered pay rate (full-time study would not go well with full-time work) I've come accross difficulties living life to the same extent I was before. Unfortunately, this comes at the same time as my desire to "get on the gear" increases. So I'm learning to cut back on excess expenditure in general, hoping to save some money and achieve a few more goals this year.

On a different and more pleasant note, it's been nice to meet and converse with some new faces. To Fox, it's been a pleasure to get to know you better, how odd that we had never gotten to really talk, despite how interlinked our friend's are. To good times ahead.

So onwards to new times, both pleasant and painful, fruitful and wasteful.
In the words of one of the greatest Captains who ever lived;
"Make it so."

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

Higher Learning

Back in 2008 I moved out of my high-school coccoon and became a university student. But it appears that at the time I had left my coccoon of safety early and fell quite far. Not many people realise just how far, but the truth is, far enough to warrant an academic suspension of one year from University.

So, feeling a bit lost, I decided to enter the business world and got a Technical Support position with a local ISP. Great working conditions, a computer-based job that allowed me to learn more about networking and telecommunications, good pay and some great working conditions really helped bring me back up to a good quality of life and living. Of course, it did get tiring and draining after a while and I wanted a change. So to affect this change, I decided to return to university.

Re-enrolled and attending again, I'm studying three units (but still considered full-time) and working 32 hours at my job and getting back into the swing of university life.

Quite a lovely so far, my lectures and lecturers are all quite pleasant for two of my three units. Unfortunately, my third unit looks like it's going to be the challenging one. The slides are taken down before notes can go up, he puts things up without explaining them and frankly, leaves us a bit in the dust.

To counterract this, I'm going to need to spend a few days studying over my old programming textbooks (since I'm now about a year and a half out of practice) until I'm upto speed there, then try and tackle some of the theories being thrown at us.

Regards,
Adam O'Grady

PS: Matrix (2D-array) transpositions, is there a simpler method to do it (even it it means transposing it into a new array, temporary or permanent) that does not involve two nested loops? I think the language of focus at the moment is Java.

EDIT: I never updated this before, but the trick is just to have a boolean variable to tell whether the array is transposed. If it is, any access/modification to a (x,y) co-ordinate are instead accessed in (y,x) order. Thus the "transpose" method is a constant time function.

Pew Pew.

Again I post tired and before turning in for the night.

Recently I've fallen into the trap of video games. I find something and play it through until it begins to supplant other parts of my life. Most recently, a full playthrough of Bioshock and now Alien Vs Predator. All of this has been interspersed with many multiplayer rounds of Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 (Team Deathmatch).

Why do I let them take me over?

There is no simple answer for this and in many cases, the answer is not one the layman would understand.

I hold videogames dear for the continuous state of progression and instant gratification they hold. Life is not something that can be torn through at a speedy pace. University, career paths and promotions take a lot of time and work. Video gaming, especially in the First Person Shooter genre of video games has a very high rate of progression through the storyline. You identify the problem, find the solution and complete it, all in the space of a few hours.

To continue this point, progression is also rewarded heavily. New abilities/weapons/skills/areas are rewarded for your efforts. A good video game is designed to let a player test out the new reward and once they begin to tire of it, they complete yet another challenge and the next reward is delivered.

The next major point behind the modern addiction to video games is the different worlds they allow us to escape to. From hunting down genetically-altered mutants to sniping world leaders, you can be anything and anyone you want in a video game. No longer constrained by the limitations of your socio-economic status, your nationality and physical/mental limitations, you can be whatever you want and do whatever you want.

Further to this, good games react on a level similar to good art, great literature or a perfect movie. A world is created before your eyes and the goal of the producer is to drag you in. To make you feel that you truly are a part of their little world. They want to make you fear the creeping aliens, feel vertigo as you leap between buildings while running from the police, scream out for your fallen comrades. So few forms of artistry can touch so many of your senses yet still keep such a level of interactivity.

What I have outlined above is the true beauty of video games. Of course, many do not see them this way, clouded by the casual crap and the Pong and Pacman of bygone ages. Many of these people can not and will not ever see the same thing that the video game nerd will, but the benefit of the doubt would oft still be appreciated.

Fin

With the exception of that little essay, my life has been starting to fill up again. The new position at work is enjoyable and flexible, the new beginnings at uni are coming up this week and should get me one step closer to a new chapter and achievement in life. I'm still feeling a bit odd, but I'm going to put it down to lack of exercise and ambition.

Oh, I'm also living at the girlfriend's house for now. I'm thinking of moving back home for university transport reasons and the comfort of my own room. Under the same relationship thing, I'm not really feeling anything for any of the people I previously believed I liked. Turns out neither of them are the sort of people I could be with for any sort of decent term. Neither provide the level of mental stimulation and intelligent discussion I crave.

Wednesday

I'm spitting blood when I brush my teeth again.

It's not that I don't brush often, as it's a twice a day habit. I also eat quite well and don't smoke. I think I need a dentist, but I work 09:00 to 17:30 every day of the week, which prevents that. Same thing with going for my license.

Also, I'm creating this blog to document my life and give me a place to write my emo-ish feelings and thoughts when I need to. So I guess this is my welcome to you all.

Addendum: Courier is the best font available IMHO. It has that lovely "old-school" feel behind it, while still being a default font on almost every browser and system in the world, creating no compatability or readability issues.

First Post

So I've got to say, life really stopped being all it was cracked up to be for the longest time. I mean, for a while, it was insane. I was either working, hanging with mates or out clubbing. I moved to a full-time job, started earning good money and became addicted to ecstasy and developed a deep love of LSD as well.

Of course, all good things must come to an end. One of my good mates got caught for possession (which is putting it lightly). Another got in massive debt and ate lead aspirin.

After that, everyone else just sort of split up. We used to hang out in a carpark once the clubs closed, hailing in the dawn and just chatting while we all sobered up. We'd usually go to a local public pool to unwind or go out paintballing as well. But after everyone started owing money and the combined debt was probably enough to buy a nice house, we all bailed on it.

I started knuckling down and focusing on work, quit drugs for some time and tried to straighten up my life. My girlfriend wanted me to as well. She wanted us to settle down, get nice jobs and start a family. I think that was about the time everything started to close in again. Since then I've been a pretty constant downhill slide. I stopped exercising because it no longer made me feel good about myself and I could no longer see a point. I stopped enjoying pretty much everything in my life.

One of the annoying parts is that it really hasn't changed much. I've met some new and interesting people and I guess that's what pisses me off most. I still do drugs on occasion, but I really only go out to a nightclub once every two weekends.

The worst part is recently I've found myself attracted to some of the newer people in my life. It's been scaring me shitless, the desire to ruin all the good things I have for what would ultimately be either a fruitless endeavour or a cheap fling given the attitudes of the people I'm attracted to. But I don't even know if I'm really attracted to them as people, but for the ideals they represent. Primarily this is being young and irresponsible. It's not time to take everything too seriously, saying "I have to settle down". It's time to go out drinking on weeknights, go to work with a hangover and most of all, have fun.

EDIT: I can't write for shit at work. Updated.